The Best Advice is Usually Your Own

Lately, it seems I have been full of advice.   Lots of people are going through all sorts of stuff, and generally, while your giving advice someone is also giving advice to you.
 
However, the advice you give is great because you are not going through, what that person is.  It's always easier to give great advice when your free and clear of that particular trouble.

The funny part is, the adivce your giving, is probably meeting you right where you are.  Or it's great future advice for you.  I'm sure what ever your friend is going through you've either been there, or about to go there, and well listen to your self when you talk.

The term your preaching to the chior has never made more sense.  And the next time you are in the situation think back on the advice you so sternly gave, and apply to yourself, because you were right the first time.

The truth is when you give advice, the best advice for you is your own.

Where Has Foreplay Gone?

I miss foreplay, I miss it a lot...I have been hearing and feeling the steady decline for a while...and every woman says the same thing..."he thinks kissing my boobs and going down on me is foreplay"...well if you haven't helped him out in that area how will he know?

I think we women romanticize things a bit...but why shouldn't we...I mean it goes back to when things were simple and maybe when you weren't exactly having sex but had a lil finger introduction or a lovely dry hump with the boy you liked... I mean that was some good foreplay that helped build up to the fact of your first time...or even the back massage or the long lingering kisses of neck, back, ears, shoulders, butt, thighs and what ever else you can think of!

We are one big muscle and even the slightest touch from the one you like/love should send shivers down your spine...but sometimes it takes a lil more coaxing!  Now don't get me wrong... think it's safe to say that we don't necessarily need this kind of treatment at ALL times because we like to get down to the nitty gritty too, but please keep in mind that foreplay is important and it makes the act that much more YUM! :)...I mean can we get a kiss on the neck geez!

Now ladies this goes for you too...I know for me nothing turns me on more then watching a man bend to my touch...its awesome and trust me a lot of other women they may have dealt with haven't done that...and for sure haven't put them first...and sometimes there is a lack of reciprocation (he does you, you don't do him) You know it's true!...but we are all adults here, and this my friends needs to change.  So I have decided to wage a bring back foreplay campaign!  What do you think?

Think Like A Man

I do and what does it get me...soft lady boys...I mean come on...I think it's all subjective...maybe I should explain myself.

I learned a long time ago that men have a different way of thinking...it's a bit more logical than emotional...I think all women can attest to that...and it's not necessarily that the man is not a great communicator... it's just he's not saying the things you want to hear...one thing I can say about men is that they are generally honest...and by generally I mean... if you get one that does tell you the truth listen...cause he does mean what he says.

Then on the other hand you have the guy who lies about anything and everything...and who wants to put up with that mess...It could be Tuesday and he'd say it's Wednesday...cause that's just how he is... and of course my favorite guy the guy who is so hurt he decides that he is going to hurt every woman in his path just so he doesn't get hurt first blah blah blah blah...look the rules haven't changed just the players...and I think most of us have been doing this long enough recognize all the Idiosyncrasies

Now here is my issue...because I think like a guy...this scares men cause I know what they are going to do before they do it or they just don't get how I could be sooo cool...not my words but theirs...or most recently I am an anomoly!  That's generally when the tables turn...such as a booty call... if we agree that this is all this is...the guy ends up catching feelings and asking me, what are we doing and I can't do this anymore and wah wah wah!  

I say all this to say...clearly there are no strict rules, there is no REAL right or wrong and if what you were doing isn't working try something else maybe...but if you are who you are be that and eventually you will find your match...it's like some guys like aggressive women who will approach them and some don't...it is the law of the land... and in truth everyone is different...so all you can really do is think like yourself.

Keepin It 100!

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with.  She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again.  Listen it's not my fault, and this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you.  You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him.  Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told he was a snake in the first place. 

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us.  We can make up some shit!  He said I'd make a great mother.  He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids.  He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing.  If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word.  What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up.  Then you know something is wrong.  Other than that.  I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note.  At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him.  If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers.  Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him.  Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good.  Does the sun rise and set in it.  Come on ladies we can do better than that.  Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing ever again.  I am done, finished, finito,.  And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend....  I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is. 

Wow I have come so far/ A lil peek into my past!

Every now and again I like to read things I wrote... I'm not a big journal keeper and this blog I think is journal... but every now and then... i do take time to write my feelings down... I was going through some old files on my computer and ran across a letter I wrote myself a few years ago...I was really amazed to see how much had changed... and how much writing had helped me leave it all behind...!  I wanted to share the letter!

A Open Letter 

Dear Nikea,

Sometimes, you let things get in the way of your happiness.  How do you keep that happiness constant!  Is there something physical that can make you happy, or should you just be happy in general.  Everyone has bad days, but there are people who's days are worse than yours.  Should you forget about your day and think about how bad their day is?  Or mourn your day, so you can move past it?I am a liar, and have been lying to everyone for a while, things are not great, I am not happy and I am hurting, hurting bad, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it right now.  This is the first time I have felt like a human since finding out I had cancer.  I watched Richard Pryor say, after a burn victim is burned, they have no feelings and then one day.  

All the feelings come out in the wash.  Literally, he was sitting in a tub being washed and he said it was the most indescribable pain he had ever felt.  However, that was the first time he had felt anything since being burned.That's how I feel now.  It has almost been 3 years and I have not felt anything, until I was put in the proverbial tub, now the pain is unbearable, but I guess I have to have it to get out on the other end, and it takes time for wounds to heal, but eventually my scars will fade and I will look like a person again!  One thing I know for certain, is that I am forever changed.The guts it is taking right now to admit to being a liar is hard, and even harder to feel weak in front of people who think you have been so strong.  As I know none of you have asked for it.  I feel it my duty in some weird way to make you feel better about it.  The fact is I am still alive and kicking, I fought a dastardly disease, that could have taken my life.

However, I personally have not Dealt with it.  Now it's taking over the laughter and smiles and saying deal with me!  So I must.  Well here I am, revealing the most intimate parts of me to friends and strangers.  If you see me next time and my smile is not so bright don't fret, my burns are healing, and my muscles will get stronger, so I can smile again!As I know this is not your fight,or your problem to deal with.  I just thought it would help you better understand where I was coming from and what I am going through.

I love you!

 Nikea

Feast or Famine

I think we have all heard the old saying feast or famine... when it comes to men...either you have too much or not at all...but geez I'm like a starving child in Uganda over here...I 'm serious...this is the time for summer lovin and where's my lovin?  Huh in my Jhudd/Effie voice...what about what I need...what about meeee!

I guess it is what it is...maybe I am not putting out the summer lovin vibe...or maybe my vibe is too desperate...I mean any way you look at it...it aint happnin and it aint been happnin for a minute...I know I know...I am the only one that was invited to my pitty party, but I am sure some of you feel the same way.  There are certain things that come with being young and sprite...frolic's at the beach, kissing under the stars...blah blah blah...I can't remember the last time I did that...well I guess it is meant for memories for now.

I'm not sure what I can do to change my odds but I guess I will just have to see how it goes...Summer has just started and I got a bit to go...so maybe I am speaking to soon...but I'm putting it out there...summer fling thing to thee I sing...I'd like a boo...for now ooooo oooo oooo!  Hey it works when I sing to the parking angels...LOL!

I wish the same for you if that's what you would like as well.  Summer flings are what summer is about...so I hope we all feast on the fun, sun, love, hugs, kisses, and disses...cause when summer's over who know's what could happen.!

Desperately Seeking Penis

Okay I clearly have a problem...it's been a long while since I have had sexual contact and I am pulling my hair out...ugh it's so frustrating...1 cause I'm at the age where my Libido is at an all time high and 2 masturbating has stopped working...Well if you don't want to read anymore...stop reading now...cause it's about to get involved.

I mean it's sooo  bad that I can't even have a conversation with a guy with out wondering what his dick looks like and how much I would like to see it feel it  be near it.  You know how in the cartoons when a character is hungry people start turning into hot dog or pizza.  Well when I see men they turn into penises oh and don't let them smell good.  Last night I showed my ass not literally but I was like a fiend...like I was on crack...but in search of penis...all I needed to do was be in a corner somewhere twitching...and running and jumping on men.  Or being like Wimpy I will gladly pay you Tuesday for use of your Penis today.

Now I know what your thinking why don't you just get a dildo, but trust me it's tired of me too...LOL plus nothing takes the place of having Man Meat...you know laying there and smelling good and breathing hard Whoo okay...I should stop talking I'm gettin in a tizzy over here at my desk... listen you can think what you like...but I needed to write this down cause maybe it will take some of the pressure off...Ha wishful thinking but it also let's you know if you see strange behavior it's just been a while and maybe you can save me from myself especially if you see frothing at the mouth!  LOL!  Or I can just turn my self into Samantha and not apologize for loving to f*uck and become a manIzer I mean the name of my blog is Sex in the City !

Here's the thing...I have always been able to separate sex and love...and when I am in love the sex is just that much better...but sex in general is superb and when you have a terrific partner...it's even better!  It's not like I said oh I am going to be celibate till I find the one...but I was doing a lil experiment with my self to see if I could just be okay...and I am failing miserably...I like sex...even if it's a one night stand...with what's his name...I am always safe (wrapin it up) and hey at least I am honest!

P.S. If your a guy reading this and you want to be trivial and sarcastic well I guess I asked for it by this post...but please don't be gross or come at me with lame O lines...scratch that...I wanna see what yall have to say :)

On Line Dating

I really can't say that I have ever given it a real try...I mean I had someone make me a profile on Match for me, but it just kind of made me feel slimy...now no offense to anyone that has found true love on Match or any other dating site...but I just don't think that's my journey...I mean can you...those of you that have found love...tell me what made you go on line in the first place?

Maybe it will help change my mind...I wonder sometimes if I am even ready for all of that...I mean I desire companionship but I don't know if I am ready for someone sooo serious...or for someone who is sooo ready for the next steps of marriage and what ever else...I don't think Online dating should be for someone who wants to date casually...I think that's rude and you can just do that on your own time.

I also think that if you are too busy to find a date on your own...why/how would you find the time to date me.  I mean isn't this why your on there...cause you don't get out much to find a date...or cause your a work a holic...so how will you find the time...I mean time is the best commodity.

I would love to hear some different opinions about on line dating.  The thing is I know a few people who are now married to people they have met on Match as I am sure you do too...but I think I need a lil more convincing so help me out!

My Right Tit Has Magic Powers

Okay this is way off the dating and sexy topic...but I discovered something super human about my self...that now gives a soothing feeling as well.

I am not sure if it's nerve ending or fatigued muscle but when ever I glide a nail or finger across my right breast...it contracts on it's own...call it a muscle spasm or what ever...it is truly a site to see...I'm beginning to wonder if I should use it as one of my...what strange thing can you do gag...besides putting my fist in my mouth...or crossing one eye...or making my nostrils wiggle...my right tit has a mind of it's own.

Now I guess I have to back track a lil bit...when having a mastectomy...you have several options to choose from when having reconstruction...on the right side I chose to have my Latissimus muscle moved to the front..to create a breast...interesting right...well the first thing that happened is...when ever I would touch my boob I could feel it in my back because muscles have memory...and it believes that it's still in my back...not my words but the doctors... after me saying um why is that happening?

Now this!  My boobs reaction to touch is awe inspiring and yet weirdly calming and sensitive it's something I do to relax my self or just see if it will do it again and how long it might...I know what your thinking...what the hell are you talking about and why are you talking about it...but I think it's terrifically interesting and apparently you do too cause you read this far...I may even be up to showing it to you..cause it is a sight to see indeed.  

Well, I pray it's nothing serious but I kind of hope it doesn't go away this is the most sensation I have had in that area since I had surgery.  

The No Tittie Convo!

As I progress in my survivorship...I guess that's what you can call it...the conversation about what has happened to me doesn't seem to get easier...now don't get me wrong I have come a long way from where I used to be.

When I was first diagnosed a guy who even remotely seemed interested would get! "Thanks but I don't have boobs so you probably don't want to be with me." or "Ugh I don't have boobs and I'm fat and I have stretch marks so why bother", or my ultimate favorite..."are you a tittie man then just forget it" LOL!

Yes, I said everyone of those things one time or another...but as I get more comfortable with me...you would think I would get more comfortable letting someone know this is what happened...I mean it's rude to just spring it on a dude...but I surely don't offer up the info as early as I used to. 

Now I happily get to know the guy, and if we move to a more intimate situation I then tell them...sometimes we are already hot and heavy and just as he gets the to shirt...it's like the needle off the record...Oh wait...um something I have to tell you...I bet the guy is probably thinking she's a man LOL!  But there seems to never be a good time to throw it in...and I'm not trying to kill the mood...I mean I have things for you to grab...just not necessarily things for you to suck.  

Ugh!  that's hot...and romantic...in the middle of possibly bout to be D*cked down by some gorgeous maness!  But I guess it is what it is...Not really sure why I'm telling you all this...I guess it makes me feel better for other people to know how hard it can be...and it kind of takes some of the pressure off cause if your a guy reading this...well then you already know...and it's up to you to step to me.  Plus it's kind of funny to think of the space I was in...and how far I have come.

Don't  know if it will ever be a easy convo...but I do realize it has become less and less important to me, and I don't judge my self for it...I have also learned that men usually don't really care...as long as the thing that matters most (the vagina for those of you who are a bit slower) is working and disease free LOL!

The Glass is Half Full!

I have been kicked, punched, put down... turned around and them some... but through it all I have come out on top.

I have been talked about...lied on...battled disease... and have still come out a winner...!  How you ask?  Well even through all God has held me... picked me up...closed my ears... dusted me off... and has blessed me leaps and bounds...!

Although things seem rough sometimes I try to maintain the attitude of this is only temporary... these things that happen are only things that will drive you... and draw you nearer to God..!

When cancer got me... I was angry with God... but just as a parent he understands... just as much as you love your mother and your father...some times your just not speaking to them... I came to understand more and more that if I just put my trust and faith in him... I will always be alright.

No matter your spiritual belief a positive outlook is always the best thought process...there is always something to be thankful for, grateful for! 

I am surely learning that the glass is half full and trying to live my life as such... So if you need some positivity... Stop on by... the posterchild is here. :)

I Am Not Obsessed!

Is it just me or now a days single women are obsessed with being in relationships...so much so...they settle for anything...I understand that you feel like your clock is ticking but have you even taken stock in what you want.

Are you even prepared for it when it comes...we sit around saying I want a man I want a man...but what kind...and who is our ideal...we make list...long first then they get shorter as we get older...maybe if we just took a second and said...okay I'm gonna do me until you prepare me for the good good.

Sometimes it seems,  that because my every waking moment is not chasing some guy around or constantly talking about it or where he is...or out searching for him that something is wrong with me.  Years ago friends tried to make me believe that I was less than cause I didn't have a boyfriend.  Like I didn't know how to handle a relationship cause I didn't put the boyfriend label on it!

I'm sorry but I'm not Obsessed I have never been a my clock is ticking...here's what I would love my wedding dress to look like...I will take what I can get type of person...I have also dealt with the fact that in this life I may not meet the man of my dreams or my soul mate or what ever you wanna call it.

I also think we fall victim to societies standards of these are the things you need to be a complete person...but we all know society has changed sooo much and nothing is ever as black and white as it used to be...I mean people are having babies more and more out of wedlock and then maybe consider getting married later!

Sometimes God's plans are not your plans, do I want companionship absolutely...do I want to be married...sure if the guy has the same beliefs in marriage that I do...do I want children?  I can take it or leave it...see there is a clear indication of what I want and need.

If he's out there he's out there if he isn't trust life will proceed to go on!  If you stop worrying about what it looks like you might find the right guy will find you!

In With The Old, Out With The New!

This is the old me... the photo your looking at... but I realized something... there are aspects of me that are still her...!

I guess I should explain... right before I got cancer I was this size, I worked out hard... I ate right.. didn't really drink...but still I got cancer...!  Then 3 years and 5 surgeries later I ballooned to a size that I had no idea I could get to, my body changed drastically... I was devastated, depressed, and then I said Fuck it... if doing all the right things got me cancer then I'm gonna do all the bad things.

I have to say I have let my weight be a safety blanket...the thing that I once despised I allowed to be my shield from the world...I became too comfortable... its one thing to accept where you are at the moment (WHICH I TOTALLY HAVE)... but it is a far more important to accept and then continue to move on... I have to say I miss this... I miss this body, I miss the energy I had the way I felt...!  I want this back... so it is my intent to get it.

I am going to mix a little bit of the old with the new... I must say... I am forever changed by what happened to me... so the mentality of the girl you see in this photo is totally different than who I am today... but there are aspects of her that I want to remember, and re-capture!

Long enough have I sat in this place...I even went as far to say that I booked more things this size then I ever had....that may be true...but it doesn't have to do with size...it's my mentality... I am a changed person... I walk proudly into my destiny with no fear... I have survived cancer...If I can do this I can do anything.!  So here I go on a new journey of health and wealth...!

One way to inspire is not by talking, but walking so enough with the words! She and I have some stuff to do!  Oh and if your so inclined...you can find me @ La Fitness Hollywood mostly...come join me for a great work out!  Before and after pictures to come later ;)

If I'm Being Completely Honest

This weekend a dear friend asked me a very important question...and as I answered I thought here is a truthful answer...as she listened and then commented...she said I am going to be extremely honest with you...I think you are making excuses!  As I thought about what she said...I didn't have hurt feelings or jump to a defense...I just paused for a second and said...to be completely honest I'm scared to death.

Listen, I had cancer...I had both breast removed...and it's not an easy thing to get over...the question was...do I want a boo basically...and I came up with ...well I'm soo laser focused on my career and blah blah blah...but the truth... I do want all those things but I am afraid I can't have them...no one told me I couldn't I just am scared to see if it could...now the reason I am scared is because I am scarred...interesting how these two words look so much alike.

Seeing my scars is a hard thing for me to deal with...and I am gradually getting used to them...but to add someone else into the equation is a scary thought...I guess its the intimacy I am afraid of...showing that part of my self in which I have no control...allowing my self to be completely venerable and to TRULY believe that this person really loves me and everything about  me...or will he just see my scars...  I am trying to get to the point where I can just say okay...and go for it...and be vulnerable and allow someone completely in...but I guess as with all things it takes time. I just think I needed to admit it.

I hope this confession doesn't make me seem like a hypocrit due to the fact that my blog is called Sex in the City with No titties and my journey to find love...but it is true that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else...and my love for self is growing leaps and bounds everyday...even with my scars and I am looking forward to the day where I can just say...screw it, it is what it is...and I do know, trust and believe that you are with me for me...and here is all of me and the scars will just fade into the background!

Can You Be My Super Man

Hey kids, a lil something different today...this song...has been with me...talking to me...basically speaks my feelings on what kind of guy I want...the lyrics are simple and yet...so here is me...speaking through someone else LOL!

Hello
I’ve been hurt so many times
It got to a point
When I decided
I can’t do this any more
I need someone to hold me
I need someone that needs me
I need someone that loves me

Chorus
Can you be my superman?
Can you be my superman?
Will you be my superman?
Will you be my superman?

Superman (4x)

You know, we don’t have to be dramatic
Just romantic
Do all the little things
That excites me
As your woman
Give me a kiss goodnight
Over the phone
When you working late
When you’re out of town
Tell me how much you need it
Cos we deserve it
We can be together

And just for a lil extra entertainment check the video!

Crushing the Crush!

Is it silly to say you have a crush on someone?  Especially someone famous?  I don't know.  I thought maybe it would be a good idea being that I am in the same business, but pish posh I guess I was wrong. 

There is a certain someone who shall remain nameless, ok let's be real there are certain someones that shall remain nameless that I have had a huge crush on.  I have also had the opportunity to meet and once in a while make out with said crush.  However, what do I have left.  Once the crush is revealed what's left.

Man woman crush:  Men seem to think that when you tell them your feeling them you want to sleep with them.  Some would say the challenge has been taken away.  How do you tell someone who gets ass thrown at them on a daily basis that well... you just want to get to know them.  Could it be crusher is only blinded by the limelight of the crushee and the crushee can't trust the crusher as far as they can be thrown?

What's worse is when you tell the guy and he's like "Thanks" ugghhhhh..... that's almost as bad as I'm flattered, hell I think it's worse... just take my heart and eat it right in front of me would you.  

Although a drunken mess when I said it, my heart still hurt and that was a wound that lasted well into sobriety.  I even had one crush tell me, "wow that's kind of grade school isn't it"?  Ouch, hurt my feelings much.

You know what, maybe the problem is me.  Maybe I have too many crushes, but what good is a girl with out a crush.  Not much I think but that's just me.

What to do? What to do?

 Has anyone ever "won" their crush?  Are they still with them now?  Are crushes just for school girls?  Maybe so, but my heart doesn't agree.

You Know What Gets Me!

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with.  She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again.  Listen it's not my fault, that this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

 

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you.  You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him.  Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told you he was a snake in the first place. 

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us.  We can make up some shit!  He said I'd make a great mother.  He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids.  He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing.  If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word.  What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up.  Then you know something is wrong.  Other than that.  I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note.  At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him.  If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers.  Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him.  Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good.  Does the sun rise and set in it.  Come on ladies we can do better than that.  Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well, all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing. I am done, finished, finito,.  And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend....  I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is. 

Stagnation

The feeling of being stagnant is interesting.  The websters dictionary defines stagnant as: adj Not moving or flowing : Motionless 2. Foul from standing still:stale 3. Sulggish!

My life feels a lil like all of those things right now.  But how can I help it.  What can I do?  What can I change?  Anything?  How did i get like this in the first place?

Some could say it's the economy, others could say well maybe your not trying hard enough.  How do you know you are trying everything you possibly can.  Is it measured by exhaustion at the end of the day?  Do you feel some type of full fillment?  How else do you shake things up a bit?

I, who am never at a loss, has found my self in an interesting position. Normally to feel a bit different I'd give my self a makeover or do something I've never done before, but I am almost out of those(doing something I've never done). 

Besides it's not really about getting a new job I've done that, and it's not about not feeling fulfilled as a person.  Mostly it's just about feeling like I have lived my best life!!

I think at some point we all feel this way, when things are not going exactly how we hope but...

Does anyone have any suggestions?  How do you make yourself feel like your life is actually worth while!

Any one Bueller!

I Just Remembered

Hey there, I know I have been missing for a while...but I'm back...life has been life right...now...trying to be a good friend resting and working...but now it's time to get back to the nitty gritty...of this blog, which may need to be re-thought.

The name of the blog is Sex in the City With No Titties, but is that all it should focus on...sometimes we loose sight of other things and because of that...the things we would like fall to the way side... I can't say that I am obsessed with finding love...but it was starting to take over.

Until I actually thought about it...what is it that I crave at this moment...what do I need to make me incredibly happy and is it possible to have it all and the answer is yes.  See God always keeps his promises and it's important to trust him in all we do...see there is two sides of me... the lover and the actress and right now I believe my focus should be on the later...God knows the desires of my heart because he gave them to me...he also has a way of taking from you what you don't need for your own good.

So I am re-committed to me...focused, recharged as it were...look I know love is possible...but and I know that when I am ready it will find me...and I will choose wisely... I have made some pretty good decisions...regarding that... and there will be a place for it...but right now...I am  Nikea the actress...so this blog is not only going to be about love, but love of life, liberty and the pursuit of true happiness... But we'll keep the title cause one It's catchy and two...well I may not be having much sex but I still have no Titties ;) have a good one kiddies we'll talk soon!

So What Do You Really Think Of Me?

Okay...I'm seriously trying to not have my feelings hurt...but I can't seem to get this off my mind.

What does it say about you (me) when your friends don't see enough in you to hook you up with and eligible guy... especially when the person they were gonna hook someone up with doesn't date outside their race...but you know for sure that I do.

How am I supposed to take that... and when I ask...all you can say is oh... um you know I'm looking...what is it...  do you think I'm too much?... I mean what is i?... are you trying to protect me from something...are you trying to protect him from something... I mean what is it?  She's good enough but not me... and she is for sure gonna turn him down cause that is not her preference!

Friends have an interesting way of making you feel some sort of way... and to say I don't care... well that would be a lie cause I'm blogging about it right... so my feelings are a lil hurt...clearly...hurt.

So the question is... is there a lesson to be learned from this... or do I just shrug it off... is it enough to to say hmmm this person...who I thought was a friend...has some sort of feelings about me that I had no idea about...or maybe I am taking it way to personal... either way... there is something that kept you from thinking of me...when you thought someone would be good for your guy friend.

What I do know is that what is meant for you is meant for you... and nothing can change that... so maybe she actually is doing me a favor...protecting me from something that eventually will end badly... I don't know... but it makes me think...There is something you feel is missing from me...or you just don't think that much of me to hook me up!  I could be being very dramatic right now... but at this moment... that's how I'm feeling.

I'll be okay...it will be fine and I will get over it...but it definitely makes one think!

Maybe it's you!

Ok, have you ever heard someone complain sooo much about everything, that you start to wonder, what in their life has gone right.?

I mean dang do you just have the worst timing, the worst luck, or is it you?

Have you ever heard somone say, god I can't keep a man/woman, or their relationships/friendships always seem to bite them in the ass later on.

At what point do you ask the question, maybe it's me!

One of the tuffest things to do is look inside and see your flaws.  It's easier to blame everyone else because it lets you off the hook.  However your luck is the same, and will continue to be until you exam YOUR SELF!

Your problems stem from past problems, which begets new problems, which in turn manifest themselves in your relationships, and if you haven't taken stock and said hmmm what the hell is going on with me.  What ever you try and do will never work out.

How can you be good to anyone else, when you are no good to YOUR SELF.

Come on people stop playing the blame game, and look inside, God knows you  need to get your shit together, but most importantly So Do You!

Doin Me!

People always say love will come when you least expect it... and others say you have to put it out there that you are looking...well I am about to do both.

Here I am saying...putting it into the world...letting you and God know...that I am looking for love.. a mate... a companion... a best friend... some one to love unconditionally and whole heartedlly.  There... that's done!

Now I am going to focus on me... doin me... being the best me I can be...loving my self... and taking care of myself... so that way when love comes I will be ready...for the man I just asked for above... see I think both theories are right... you have to be open to the fact that love is needed... but to harp and focus is futile and sometimes you are so anxious for someone that you will settle for anything.

However, when you do you... and focus on living a great life and being in love with self...well you don't have time to harp so the time that passes doesn't seem like much time and when you look up there he is...holding out his hand saying... I'm ready for you to love me and ready to love you too.

So right about now I'm a just do me!

Mrs. Steal Yo Man

So admittedly... I have consciously and sub-consciously done this action... I was listening to the Trey Song's song... and he calls himself Mr. Steal your girl!

When I say I have consciously done this I mean in my teens and parts of college...but to me... a man having a girlfriend was no big deal and men make mistakes all the time... clearly you were not happy where you were cause if so you wouldn't be with me... and yadi yadi boo boo!

See the problem is when I see what I want I go after it... and it's not often that someone catches my eye on a personal level... so when they do... I have to know them... talk to them... see them... I WANT them... that's a dangerous place to be...but who's getting hurt... in high school and college I felt we are far to young for those types of serious relationships... and I know what your thinking who am I to say so...but if he didn't feel the same he wouldn't have been with me either.

But...it may be biting me in my ass my friends...I sometimes have been approached by married men known to me not known to me... and of course the one's not known to me well...they tricked me and feelings were involved and other circumstances so you make a mistake.

Then you understand you DON'T deserve to be second to any one... and you start feeling bad for the woman on the other end...and I realized even what I was doing in college and high school still caused the same painful affect... and now I may be paying for those decision's I made so long ago... I do subscribe to cause and effect... and for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction.

I would never want to cause anyone pain...nor would I want someone to cause me that same pain...I wish it could be as simple as everyone was just honest and no one cheated... I don't think this post is going to save the world...but I do know there won't be no more man stealing over here!

No Resolutions Just Goals!

Happy New Year everyone... I know I usually do my post on Monday's but I was a little busy getting the New Year started at the job!

I realize that resolutions are futile...so I made a few goals... and I will share...my goal this year...is to live the best life I can... have the most fun with the most people... and love everything about myself...including the fact I don't have breast...(okay I have implants so technically, you see my point) see the thing that used to make me afraid of intimacy has now empowered me... it has been a slow process...but now... I feel like... I'm through the worst and now I just have to be me... own it...love it... and when the person I love see's my courage and conviction...it won't be a big deal to them either.

I know what your thinking...it's all in my head... but remember there are a lot of frogs that may need to be kissed before EPIC comes along...soo... I have to be just as brave... my goal... is to love like I have never been hurt... and dance like no one is watching... and make sure everyone in my life is as happy as possible... the goal... the glass is half full...the bright side...the this weaping may endure for a night but joy come's in the morning type stuff.

Not besides that I am 6 Years cancer free on January 28th God is sooo goood...look at me thriving and stuff!  Seems like only yesterday I was celebrating 5 Years.  Hold please....just took a lil moment to dance in my chair... if you only knew where my mind was 5 years ago...to be able to talk to you all is such a blessing... but I digress!

So if your with it... I would love for you to accompany me on this journey... I feel like there are going to be some pretty interesting things going on this year... and sooo much to tell ;) so stick with me kids... we are going to have a blast... Hello 2011 Let's Do This!