As I progress in my survivorship...I guess that's what you can call it...the conversation about what has happened to me doesn't seem to get easier...now don't get me wrong I have come a long way from where I used to be.
When I was first diagnosed a guy who even remotely seemed interested would get! "Thanks but I don't have boobs so you probably don't want to be with me." or "Ugh I don't have boobs and I'm fat and I have stretch marks so why bother", or my ultimate favorite..."are you a tittie man then just forget it" LOL!
Yes, I said everyone of those things one time or another...but as I get more comfortable with me...you would think I would get more comfortable letting someone know this is what happened...I mean it's rude to just spring it on a dude...but I surely don't offer up the info as early as I used to.
Now I happily get to know the guy, and if we move to a more intimate situation I then tell them...sometimes we are already hot and heavy and just as he gets the to shirt...it's like the needle off the record...Oh wait...um something I have to tell you...I bet the guy is probably thinking she's a man LOL! But there seems to never be a good time to throw it in...and I'm not trying to kill the mood...I mean I have things for you to grab...just not necessarily things for you to suck.
Ugh! that's hot...and romantic...in the middle of possibly bout to be D*cked down by some gorgeous maness! But I guess it is what it is...Not really sure why I'm telling you all this...I guess it makes me feel better for other people to know how hard it can be...and it kind of takes some of the pressure off cause if your a guy reading this...well then you already know...and it's up to you to step to me. Plus it's kind of funny to think of the space I was in...and how far I have come.
Don't know if it will ever be a easy convo...but I do realize it has become less and less important to me, and I don't judge my self for it...I have also learned that men usually don't really care...as long as the thing that matters most (the vagina for those of you who are a bit slower) is working and disease free LOL!
I admit this is my first time reading one of your blogs. I enjoyed it and feel it is a healthy healing way of expressing your experience. I see it as a way to assist others affected personally to reframe the situation for themselves.
ReplyDeleteGood for you sweet heart. Art is life. :-)
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