CALL ME OLD FASHIONED

You know it's deep when you have to tell someone who want's to "date you", your old school and would prefer a phone call rather than a text.

There is something to be said about a phone conversation, you get to hear the intent behind the message, the sense of humor, the tone behind the joke. The truth behind the voice.  Instead of getting offended or confused because of lack of punctuation, or your not familiar with the persons sense of humor yet.   Your able to form a connection that your not able to with text.  We are such a now generation that even when we are in front of each other we are communicating via the inter-web.

The new hottness is we have been texting all day today makes me sad.

Even when meeting for coffee, the phones are on the tables, not in purses or pockets for the ready, to be distracted from what's important, that connection.  I can't believe that a request for a real conversation could be a deal breaker.  If you can spend time typing, you can spend time talking.  Not every phone call is 5 hours long, but that was the lick.  You look up and look at the time, and you have been talking all night.  That is connection.

We gotta stop, we gotta take a step back, and remember the days where a written letter was better than poor writing or ebonic text to get points across.  Just because its text Okay is spelled O.K.A.Y or O. K. not occay.  Ugh!  Sorry for the rant, but geez I just want to be able to really feel and know that you are a living breathing human being and that talking to me is a really good part of your day.  

Now let's be clear, everything doesn't have to be a phone conversation a quick, I'm on my way, or can you talk text is totally appropriate that way you know when one is available to actually speak, but come on people where is the the humanity. The love and respect.  Or how about when your talking to me you can't concentrate because you are looking at your phone and texting someone while we are talking.

Think of it this way, what were you doing before there was facebook, texting, and all this other nonsense.  If the phone rang and you weren't home they would have to call back.  I'm not saying we have to go back to the proverbial stone age, but what I am saying is what's the harm in picking up a phone and wanting, yearning to hear the voice of the person you are so enamored with.

YOU THINK YOU HAVE PROBLEMS, YOU GUYS ARE NO WALK IN THE PARK!

This post is not about male bashing, or saying all men are this and that, but it remains to be seen, that people, men and women, need to realize that they are dealing with a living, breathing, emotion having human being.

I am little out of practice when it comes to dating, I admit it, my last few years I have to deal with a lot of personal things.  Mostly dealing with my health or my mothers.  Now that I'm trying to see what's out there, all I seem to find are these broken men, who seemingly have it together, until one day they just say something out of the clear blue that obviously has nothing to do with you.  There is this trigger, a word... a something, that someone used to say to them, but they probably never really had a response for it.  Now you un-knowingly say that thing and it feels like you just got hit with a cannon.  

They try and destroy you with their words, and you begin to feel like a cartoon character when the wind blows too hard and their hair and stuff flies off and all your left with is a skeleton.  Your caught so off guard by this, there is just no words.

So here in lies the issue, how do you fix that, how do you change it.  I know I can't personally help you.  You need help, professional help, someone to talk to about your problems.  I am sorry for all the things that you have been through, but I am not the cause of them.  I have in advertedly inherited someone else's stuff. Some woman he didn't seek closure from. Or some past hurt that he still clings to for dear life.

Listen, I know you don't always know or realize that one particular thing is a problem.  But when it does come up I pray your able to recognize it and apologize.  Ego a side. Just a plain I'm sorry.   I know what your used to dealing with, and you continue to deal with cause you haven't dealt.  Just, like women, men pick the same woman, hoping for a different result.  Not gonna happen.

Please hear me when I say this.   Another person can't fix something that is already broken, I can't make a half a whole, I can only love you and appreciate you where you are.  However, you don't have to be all the way together, but working towards getting your self together.  It's time we took a step back and looked at the bigger picture again.

These reality shows and nonsense where broken humans are screaming and fighting broken humans just perpetuates this.  We watch crap like this and think this is what LOVE is supposed to look like.  Drama and kicking and screaming.  Take stock, what do you really want and need, and maybe we can figure it out together.

Be well young man, cause the sheer denial of the fact that you don't think you have a problem.  Speaks volumes about the fact that you do.  

I AM NOT A LESBIAN!

I bet your thinking uhhhh what's with that title and I haven't seen a blog post from her in a while.  I kind of ran out of passion for writing this blog.  I mean how can it be Sex in the City, when there is no sex to speak of.  Then I kept thinking about it.  This blog is not necessarily about sex-capades or how many men I have or don't have.  It's about me.  The good the Bad and the ugly.  I have gone through different variations of my life.  Good and bad, but I am still no worse for ware.

I called this particular blog, I am not a lesbian, cause I haven't had anything sniffing around any part of me, that I'm starting to think people think I am hiding something.  I even had someone ask me, am I gay HA!  I simply replied "I wish, at least then there might be some hope"!  Hahahahaha.  No, I am not gay, and no there is no man to speak of in my life.  Do I want one absolutely, will I have one maybe?  Only God knows for sure.  

However, what I know for sure is that I am finally a whole person, a whole person on my own.  I still have flaws, but like Iyanla says I have done the work, I have worked on myself so that, the wonderful whole man that comes into my life, will have his mate.  He who finds a wife finds a good thing. Truth, marriage now a days, I can take it or leave it.  A wonderful mate/companion to enjoy time with and have fun on dates and travel.  A bestie with full benefits is my idea of a good thing.  If HE wanted to get married I would definitely consider it.  I mean hey why not.

Some of you may be reading this thinking, wow if only it were that simple.  The truth is...IT IS that simple.  We make our own lives complicated and convoluted. So much so, we don't know which way is up.  We have spent so much time convincing ourselves that it's everyone else's fault, or everyone else that's crazy that we have lost touch with reality.

At the end of the day happiness is what matters, being able to wake up and be proud of every choice you made, and live with no regret, because each thing has taught you a lesson and brought you to this beautiful space your in now.

So no, I don't have a man, and I for sure don't have a women (ho homo tee hee), but when he comes along he will be proud of me and I will be proud of him.  We will be a team, and I am sooooooo looking forward to that.

Waiting For Epic!

Trust me when I say, I will not settle, it's not that I'm picky...I just won't settle for less than EPIC love!  Now I'm sure you are probably thinking that's a very high standard, but my version of EPIC probably differs from yours.

I'm looking for my match, the one who compliments me, who can check me when I'm wrong, and lovingly tell/ give advice on what to do next, I am looking for a best friend, a confidant, the first person I wanna call when something great/or bad happens, one I can cry and laugh with, one who is willing to put up with all things me and I him.

To me that's EPIC love...I can't help but think about Stevie Wonders song as...and how much he loved the person he was singing to...this part in particular stands out to me:

Until the rainbow burns the stars out in the sky--Loving you 

Until the ocean covers every mountain high--Loving you 

Until the dolphin flies and parrots live at sea--Loving you 

Until we dream of life and life becomes a dream--Be loving you 

Until the day is night and night becomes the day--Loving you 

Until the trees and seas up, up and fly away--Loving you 

Until the day that 8x8x8x8 is 4--Loving you 

Until the day that is the day that are no more--Loving you 

Until the day the earth starts turning right to left--Be loving you 

Until the earth just for the sun denies itself--Loving you 

Until dear Mother Nature says her work is through--Loving you 

Until the day that you are me and I am you-- 

Now ain't that loving you 

Now that seems ridiculous doesn't it, but that's what love makes you feel like...that all the preposterous things are possible...that you two are the only things besides God that exist.

I have to say, because of not settling and knowing when something is just not gonna work cause he and I are not on the same page, or  he comes with so much baggage it's hard to see what's under neath because he has hid that part from everyone...I am not trying to heal someone, I am not your mother, I am not your father and I am not your savior, I didn't do it, it's not your fault and I am not her!

I am your lover, your confidant, your cheerleader, your best friend, your biggest support, I am your equal, your match, your ride or die!  You will be mine...EPIC, I know your out there, and I pray to GOD that he prepares me to recognize you when you come...I am a bit out of practice on being someones girlfriend, but  if your him... I will let ya know that, and you can help me along as I will help you.

EPIC and I are partners, and share everything and we enjoy our friends while enjoying each other's company.  Right now you are a vision and your nick name is EPIC, but I look forward to the day when I can call you by your true name...the one your momma gave you :).  Can't wait to meet you, and if I already know you, can't wait to see how our love evolves!

How Can You Move Forward, If You Live In The Past!

I don't pretend to have the answers to everything, and I hope you all don't think I am trying to sound holier than though.  Cause please believe I am just learning all these things myself.  A wise person once told if you are living in your past how can you enjoy your future.

Even the bible says the future is sufficient for it's self, how can you be in the present, if your you constantly go back to your past.  Past love, past hurt, past fall out.  One of the fundamental things everyone one needs is forgiveness...you can't fully move forward if you can not forgive your past.  

This is not a new statement,  it is a true statement...and sometimes we need to be reminded over and over again before it finally sticks.  Let him go, let her go, if it was meant to be it would have been.   You can't fit a circle into a square and you can't make someone love and you can't CHANGE anyone.

Life is sooo short, and long at the same time...see one day you'll look up and it will be too late, you will realize that you have spent most of your days harping on or dealing with junk and stuff from your past, life has passed you on by.  You don't want that...you don't want to live like that do you?

Life is a series of test and checks and balances...if you can't learn from your mistakes you are doomed to repeat them...if you can't change your thinking you will continue to get what you get.  You don't have to live this way.  I think fear plays a big part in the decisions we make.  We are afraid if we step out and fail, then you knew that was going to happen you will never try again.  The whole point of walking in your fear is to challenge your self, and if you do fail you learn from your mistakes so you don't make the same one's again.

Ladies, that man is the same man just in different skin.  He is exactly that guy you used to see but with a different face.  The problem with that is the guy who is going to bless you isn't anything like that guy,  but you can't see it cause you are dealing with past man.  Fella's she's not her, she didn't do it...please stop using that first girl that hurt you to ruin other women,  you men can be very harsh, and play with our emotions like a harp, cause She did that to you.  We can't apologize for her, we can only do what we can do.

I'm not trying to sound preachy, and honestly I am probably preaching to the choir, and I need to hear all of this as well.  We have to allow ourselves to be completely happy, single or otherwise...your happiness is not based off someone else, and too half's don't make a whole,  two wholes make a movement.  Nothing is going to be perfect, but you don't have to be stressed out, or full of drama either.  Trust, God did not envision that for you.  You shouldn't envision it for yourself.

Thank You Sir! (A word of appreciation to all Men)

Okay so the title of the blog is not that complicated, but I do want to say thank you!   Thank you to the men who stand up and be men...to the ones who are great fathers...loving husbands, and fantastic friends, to both their male and female counter parts.

Thank you to those men who are male figures to those that have not had a strong male influence in their life.  Thank you to those men who appreciate, care for, love and protect their women...who despite what society says about US (black women) you know we have had past hurts, and  are still there to see us through.  Thank you for taking care of yourselves...realizing that you are also not perfect...taking care and removing some of your past hurts and not letting it affect your life as much as it probably could.

I believe it important to let your fella know how important you think he is, and how well he is doing no matter the circumstances, and we as women need to remember that they are not alone in this. We are a piece of their back bone and need to support them no matter what.  See you chose that man and in that you chose everything that came with him.  So how dare you not stand by him when he looses his job or if something that isn't in the plans occurs.  Relationships are HARD work, and I have never heard a couple say it wasn't.  So in all of that some of us come out spoiled, hurt, and decide to take it out on everyone after that person.

I commend the people male and female who don't!  Yes, things sometimes creep up, but recognizing it quickly and working through it together is the best way.  So again I say thank you...to those men who recognize things in them selves and their families, who work through the hard times and be there through the struggles.  To the men who are consistent, and surprise you at every turn.

If I could apologize to the men who are working on it, I would but unfortunately I am not the one who caused your pain, but she didn't know what she had when she had it...and when a REAL women recognizes it, try and love her past your hurt, or seek counseling, you don't have to live with that pain, and you may find you are stronger for getting it out!

I think one thing we all can say is true is that, life is not that complicated but people are and as we mature we realize things are not as hard as they seem, yes there are challenges but with the right support and love it helps make the difference in our achievements.  So again I say thank you, for doing the absolute best you can and for always striving to be a leader, a hard worker and a man of God/Spirituality, cause a head of a household needs someone other than their spouse to depend on sometimes.

Well I think I covered it, and if I didn't well forgive me...the appreciation could go on and on, so in closing I say THANK YOU xoxo!

The Fact is I Need you!

I don't think I have ever heard this song until now, okay I have heard it a million times, but I have never heard it.  As I listened to it...it was me...all of me...all of me and who and where I am right now.  I am not gonna say much more, cause the words speak for me,  I don't have a son, but if I did this would still ring sooo true!  Also, I added a video so you could truly understand.

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you