Desperately Seeking Penis

Okay I clearly have a problem...it's been a long while since I have had sexual contact and I am pulling my hair out...ugh it's so frustrating...1 cause I'm at the age where my Libido is at an all time high and 2 masturbating has stopped working...Well if you don't want to read anymore...stop reading now...cause it's about to get involved.

I mean it's sooo  bad that I can't even have a conversation with a guy with out wondering what his dick looks like and how much I would like to see it feel it  be near it.  You know how in the cartoons when a character is hungry people start turning into hot dog or pizza.  Well when I see men they turn into penises oh and don't let them smell good.  Last night I showed my ass not literally but I was like a fiend...like I was on crack...but in search of penis...all I needed to do was be in a corner somewhere twitching...and running and jumping on men.  Or being like Wimpy I will gladly pay you Tuesday for use of your Penis today.

Now I know what your thinking why don't you just get a dildo, but trust me it's tired of me too...LOL plus nothing takes the place of having Man Meat...you know laying there and smelling good and breathing hard Whoo okay...I should stop talking I'm gettin in a tizzy over here at my desk... listen you can think what you like...but I needed to write this down cause maybe it will take some of the pressure off...Ha wishful thinking but it also let's you know if you see strange behavior it's just been a while and maybe you can save me from myself especially if you see frothing at the mouth!  LOL!  Or I can just turn my self into Samantha and not apologize for loving to f*uck and become a manIzer I mean the name of my blog is Sex in the City !

Here's the thing...I have always been able to separate sex and love...and when I am in love the sex is just that much better...but sex in general is superb and when you have a terrific partner...it's even better!  It's not like I said oh I am going to be celibate till I find the one...but I was doing a lil experiment with my self to see if I could just be okay...and I am failing miserably...I like sex...even if it's a one night stand...with what's his name...I am always safe (wrapin it up) and hey at least I am honest!

P.S. If your a guy reading this and you want to be trivial and sarcastic well I guess I asked for it by this post...but please don't be gross or come at me with lame O lines...scratch that...I wanna see what yall have to say :)

On Line Dating

I really can't say that I have ever given it a real try...I mean I had someone make me a profile on Match for me, but it just kind of made me feel slimy...now no offense to anyone that has found true love on Match or any other dating site...but I just don't think that's my journey...I mean can you...those of you that have found love...tell me what made you go on line in the first place?

Maybe it will help change my mind...I wonder sometimes if I am even ready for all of that...I mean I desire companionship but I don't know if I am ready for someone sooo serious...or for someone who is sooo ready for the next steps of marriage and what ever else...I don't think Online dating should be for someone who wants to date casually...I think that's rude and you can just do that on your own time.

I also think that if you are too busy to find a date on your own...why/how would you find the time to date me.  I mean isn't this why your on there...cause you don't get out much to find a date...or cause your a work a holic...so how will you find the time...I mean time is the best commodity.

I would love to hear some different opinions about on line dating.  The thing is I know a few people who are now married to people they have met on Match as I am sure you do too...but I think I need a lil more convincing so help me out!

My Right Tit Has Magic Powers

Okay this is way off the dating and sexy topic...but I discovered something super human about my self...that now gives a soothing feeling as well.

I am not sure if it's nerve ending or fatigued muscle but when ever I glide a nail or finger across my right breast...it contracts on it's own...call it a muscle spasm or what ever...it is truly a site to see...I'm beginning to wonder if I should use it as one of my...what strange thing can you do gag...besides putting my fist in my mouth...or crossing one eye...or making my nostrils wiggle...my right tit has a mind of it's own.

Now I guess I have to back track a lil bit...when having a mastectomy...you have several options to choose from when having reconstruction...on the right side I chose to have my Latissimus muscle moved to the front..to create a breast...interesting right...well the first thing that happened is...when ever I would touch my boob I could feel it in my back because muscles have memory...and it believes that it's still in my back...not my words but the doctors... after me saying um why is that happening?

Now this!  My boobs reaction to touch is awe inspiring and yet weirdly calming and sensitive it's something I do to relax my self or just see if it will do it again and how long it might...I know what your thinking...what the hell are you talking about and why are you talking about it...but I think it's terrifically interesting and apparently you do too cause you read this far...I may even be up to showing it to you..cause it is a sight to see indeed.  

Well, I pray it's nothing serious but I kind of hope it doesn't go away this is the most sensation I have had in that area since I had surgery.  

The No Tittie Convo!

As I progress in my survivorship...I guess that's what you can call it...the conversation about what has happened to me doesn't seem to get easier...now don't get me wrong I have come a long way from where I used to be.

When I was first diagnosed a guy who even remotely seemed interested would get! "Thanks but I don't have boobs so you probably don't want to be with me." or "Ugh I don't have boobs and I'm fat and I have stretch marks so why bother", or my ultimate favorite..."are you a tittie man then just forget it" LOL!

Yes, I said everyone of those things one time or another...but as I get more comfortable with me...you would think I would get more comfortable letting someone know this is what happened...I mean it's rude to just spring it on a dude...but I surely don't offer up the info as early as I used to. 

Now I happily get to know the guy, and if we move to a more intimate situation I then tell them...sometimes we are already hot and heavy and just as he gets the to shirt...it's like the needle off the record...Oh wait...um something I have to tell you...I bet the guy is probably thinking she's a man LOL!  But there seems to never be a good time to throw it in...and I'm not trying to kill the mood...I mean I have things for you to grab...just not necessarily things for you to suck.  

Ugh!  that's hot...and romantic...in the middle of possibly bout to be D*cked down by some gorgeous maness!  But I guess it is what it is...Not really sure why I'm telling you all this...I guess it makes me feel better for other people to know how hard it can be...and it kind of takes some of the pressure off cause if your a guy reading this...well then you already know...and it's up to you to step to me.  Plus it's kind of funny to think of the space I was in...and how far I have come.

Don't  know if it will ever be a easy convo...but I do realize it has become less and less important to me, and I don't judge my self for it...I have also learned that men usually don't really care...as long as the thing that matters most (the vagina for those of you who are a bit slower) is working and disease free LOL!