To F*ck Or Not To F*uck- That Is The Question

Well I knew this would get your attention... LOL ...and when your first meeting someone your definately not making any love...sooo I think the title is appropriate.

There is still much debate on whether or not a guy will still like a woman if they have sex on the first date.  I have talked to plenty of guys/girls and have gotten various different opinions... but here is what I believe..

I think if you want a substantial relationship with someone... it's not good to have sex on the first date... or the first anything... I also think that guys say it's okay cause REALLY they just want to get it... and will say anything to do so.

I do however think and know there are certain cases where it doesn't really matter (on the first date) and that's.  If you have known the guy for a while already possibly socially and you guys decide to see what's what and go on a date... you might have sex on that first date but a relationship had already been kind of established so no it's not a big deal... and just adds to the reasons you liked each other in the first.. place... the second is when they guy likes YOU way more than you like him... and no matter what happens he just likes you... so it's not a turn off if you screw early cause he just plain old wants to be with you.

Now some of you may agree with me on this or not... but for me... and this is being very honest I know I have to be screwing someone else in order to not have sex with the guy I like... carnality is a usual process... but if I really want to get to know someone I mean really know someone I can't have sex with them on the first date... cause honestly... I loose interest... or they become what everyone tends to become a booty call.

Some of you are probably thinking wow.. this is wow... and your right...I am honest and I may be shooting myself in the foot a bit... but hey...life is too short to play games with yourself or anyone else...so if your footloose and fancy free... get your freak on!  Otherwise.. try and keep the goodies for a while...then you will see what is really going on :)

Hello Mojo!

For a while I was of the opinion my mojo had left me... it was no where to be found... I couldn't seem to get any love from anywhere... and by love I mean... any spark... not even static... I was feeling a bit un-sexy...just un everything... and usually I don't have problems with that... but my mojo meter was waaaay down.  

Then.........

I don't know if this blog has conjured up some sort of high powered signal... or if the hair change has made me look like a different person... or maybe I am carrying myself differently... I don't know... but this weekend was very interesting.  I think maybe it's because I was just open and feeling flirty... but way more men were approaching me. I was flirting and talking... some just came up not to ask for a number but just for friendly conversation... It was NICE... now of course some of them... were way out of line... and had to be checked...but otherwise not bad at all... and to cap it all off...well let's just say a marathon event happend...and it was nice... I haven't had much sexual contact in a while... not really purposely... but just not following my old trends...okay my agressive trends...don't judge me... I just want what I want and I go after it...and sometimes I feel like a guy needs a lil help to seal the deal.

So much to my surprise and delight the drought is over...yeah I said... I had sex... and it was good...no it was great... and although the person shall remain nameless.  I want to thank him... for being interesting and nice and making me feel like the hottest thing since sliced bread... and for being a gentleman.. Who knows if this will happen again... it was fun and not in the okay thanks see ya later way... in the hmmm maybe there is more to it... and hopefully we will hang out... maybe even become good friends...:) aww who am I kidding... I don't know what's gonna happen... but I know my MOJO is back and I missed her!

Don't Knock It Till You Try It!

There is sometimes this grand debate on black women dating white men... well I am truly and equal opportunity employer... and have dated some of everyone...and by everyone...even Asian!  

I have also dated every shape... size... and color... I mean how are you supposed to know what you want unless you try it... it's like a wine tasting... you pour your self a little... swish it around your mouth....then hmmm... I like this one and I don't like that one... or maybe I will stick with this...or try this one next time.

My point why limit yourself... now I think things get touchy when someone tries to push an opinion on you... about which race is better to date and blah blah blah...I'm not going to do that...because honestly and man is a man... and I am clearly still single...so race makes no difference... but what is different... is choices... and opening up your dating pool... if every black woman is going after a black man... and so is every other race of the female persuasion... then your chances are limited.

Black men have a ton of options... and we limit ourselves... and then ask why can't we find a good man... well you only want to find a Good Black Man... not a good Man... cause he is out there.. he just may not be in the package you think... and you will never know... cause you won't step outside of the box.

I hear all the time... other races don't hit on me and I don't think they are looking at me... well it's cause you are not looking at or for them and they can tell... it starts by just simply having a conversation and then see what happens... go for coffee... you don't have to kiss or make out or anything... and eureka... you are on a whole new dating path... then the doors will open up... and you are back on a dating spree!

Take it from me... you can't talk about something you don't know about... so try it you might like it :)

Dickmatized!

Ladies...Ladies... Ladies... step a way from the penis and focus on this blog cause we need to do better... now I know... there are a lot MORE women who can't have sex and not be emotionally tied... but there are SOME who can. Now I am saying this to say... that when you are being called after a certain time... let's call a spade a spade... booty call time... and you are not seen in public with said dude...safe to say... that is what you are and that is what you are going to stay a booty call.

Now if you knew this and said you were cool with it... then Damn it... be cool with it.  Don't go flipping the script and changing it up on him  and for damn sure don't fall in love with it (the dick)...Okay maybe I'm being a lil too harsh for some... but one thing I know... good dick is just that good dick... and the thing attached to it... well that's just that extra layer of man-ness that you need... cause sometimes you don't want to deal with plastic and or batteries... you want that MAN connection... I get it... I get it... but if you just maybe took the time to realize this guy is doing you a favor because he clearly is not available to do.,or offer anything else at this time... then maybe you wouldn't be hurt...the best thing to do is to be honest with your self first.. cause trust pussy doesn't change anyone's mind.  

It (pussy) has gotten men in trouble in the past and wars have started.  Not because it was soo good but the man's ego was hurt. You stole my girl she's mine and blah blah blah.  There is a difference... usually people want what they can't have... so you might be surprised to know... that when you don't give a hoot and you stick to the agreement... how quickly tables will turn and HE is then asking you... what am I to you... and blowing up your phone...trust me it happens!  Now some of you may say... that's playing games... but trust.. a lil game must be played...or else it's no fun! :)

To Whom It May Concern!

To: Men
From: Me (and or women who feel me)
Re: Being real, and the way you approach a lady

To Whom It May Concern:

Please understand that when speaking to a woman, you can not approach each woman the same way.  Yes we know that if you have used that approach, and 9 times out of 10 it has worked then why change.  Well I guess that means you get what you ask for. 

However, the one time you change your approach, you might find yourself in a new found territory, that really intrigues you.   You might actually find the woman you say you really want, instead of the crazy, needy, young acting, immature women you continuously use the 9 times out of 10 lines with.

How bout this, if you get past the initial meeting, try listening to the woman and feel her out, see what she has to say, and ask her questions regarding actual statements she has made. 

Also, if there are signs that the woman is crazy, (which there always are) you may want to go running for the hills.  Because other women really don't want to hear about your crazy baby momma drama.  And how all of sudden out of the clear blue sky this woman is stalking you and calling and emailing the women you date, and saying your still together when your not.  We just don't!

Sincerely,

Me!

After hearing this time and time again from friends men included, because don't get it twisted (WE WOMEN CAN BE JUST AS BAD).  You know the women who take a good guy and break him down so bad he's no good to any body anymore. 

I don't speak for all women I am just making and observation, However, I have heard too many women including myself speak about how crazy this is.  Dating, Marriage, wooing, it's not rocket science, but if your just looking to kick it or just sex and nothing more just say so.  So no one's time is wasted.  JUST SAY SO!  Life is not complicated people are.

Girls Night was Invented for Married Women

I have been dooped... okay well maybe it's not so critical... but honestly I don't want to do not narry nother narry girls night... why because I have no reason too... and while I am spending all this time with the girls...who mind you have men, married or at least someone they are seeing...it is taking away from critical date time.

Okay so I might not even have any prospects right now... but if I am hanging with the girls all time how am I supposed to get one... I mean I love my girls but I need some penis energy every now and again! 

We also know women in large groups are intimidating to men... so no one is likely to approach the pack of hens...especially when we are there talking about the antics of the man you are with and how happy we (them not me) are with out them at this moment in time.


Don't get me wrong I love my girls... but I'm trying to have a girls night to get away from my boo too...not cause every night is a girls night!

She's A Man Eater...Who Me?

So a friend... not a close friend.. but a friend who is also a guy... I seem to have a lot of those lately... guy friends... tells me that I am intimidating to men.  Of  course something that I have heard before from other male friends... side bar this male friend thing seems to be a trend... is it because I intimidate them, and what's to handle.

I'm pretty simple... I love to f*uck (and all that comes with it ;)...kiss... I Love to cook... read...blog... dance... and sports (mostly football)... so what's so intimidating.  I am low maintenance... I hate drama... I will always be honest with you... and well maybe that's the problem... maybe I'm too much like a guy.

He told me that it's the way I walk in to the room...I look like I'm a man eater... and that I don't take no stuff! Okay? and that's a problem... I mean how am I supposed to walk in a room...if confidence in one's self is cause for you to run to the hills then maybe I don't need him... and why should I have to dumb my self down just to get a man... I believe that God has someone for everyone... and my Mr. Right... is out there... and note I did not say my Mr. Perfect... Cause God knows there is no such thing.

I tried to get him to tell me specifically what made me so intimidating and he couldn't really answer.. all he could say is how men feel about women they are intimidated by. Men want to feel needed... men want to take control of situations... men blah blah blah... let's be clear... I know all this... and it just so happens I'm a single lady... so I am FORCED to do a lot of stuff on my own... cause I don't have a GUY in my life I can count on... PLEASE be the man... cause I don't want to... but if  what you are looking for is some passive woman... who won't challenge you and by challenge I mean... be a partner and help you reach your goals cause she see's what your capable of then... I'm not the one for you.

I appreciate what he said... and some stuff I agreed with and some stuff I didn't but bottom line... I am who I am... I have been through a shit ton and have come out on the other side... Life is about living... not about dumbing down and worrying about who you might be intimidating... and that guy is there...ready to take on this challenge.  I am ready to be "Whipped" into shape ;)

Riddle Me This!

I need to understand why men get so up in arms when a woman expects more than just going to coffee on a date... Now I understand the economy is bad... and everyone is cutting back on expenses... but weren't you that same dude that was buying up the bar at the club last night... I mean... isn't that a bit contradictory?

That's how you got her in the first place... and clearly you knew what you were doing. Okay so maybe it wasn't your bottle...it was "your boys" but you were the one passing out the shots and singing "You Fancy Huh".  Mackin all up in the ear telling her you wanna take her out... then you invite her to coffee is it me or is that false advertising... You aint got to lie to kick it... and if you cheap be cheap all the time...or maybe you blew your wad with your portion of the liquor bill I mean that ish is expensive...hell you could bring in a flask and have her sip on that LOL!  

I guess my point is if you portray yourself as one thing and it is false... how is anyone supposed to take you seriously... and how are you gonna fault someone for not wanting to go to coffee with you.  Doesn't make them stuck up... they are just going off the information YOU provided... and let's be honest...you thought you were hot shit...when you were at your table and you KNEW why she was at your table...I'm just sayin... Like a moth to a flame!

Come On Son

A few weeks ago I went to a party during the MBA weekend...mind you I thought it was for something totally different... anywho... I was at the party and wore shoes that clearly had a deadline... so I danced as much as I could and then found a spot on a speaker to sit... and sit dance.

Now mind you there were men from every where at this party... beautiful black men... and not one the whole time I was there said anything... some smiled and admired... said hello as I flittered my lashes... but not a hey how are you and what's your name.

By the end I was like what the heck...(to my friends) you guys were the mac's of the year and I was sitting there on my speaker...which was pumpin some fantastic base if you know what I mean... My friends quickly pointed out that I was sitting the whole time... okay I will give you that... but I was still in the middle of the action. 

So while getting out of the car... I saw one of the guys I flirted with all visually, no words exchanged at the bar... he finally said something of course hell a late... and while everyone was trying to go home...so no time to talk... I give him my card... he calls me immediately...1AM talkin bout I wanna see you... Ummmmm NO!  Oh and PS he has no car... should have ended there right... wait it gets better... so he text me (hate it but ok) Good Morning... what are you up to today... I tell him and right in the middle of our text... he sends half naked picture... WHAT?  We were talking about how's work and your sending pictures... really....really...ugh! On top of it all the pictures are NOT sexy...and I already know what you look like!  COME ON SON!  Icing on the cake... he works (a barber) for celebrities and ball players...his words not mine...then why in the hell don't you have a car?

If this is what a girl has to look forward too...God help us all!

What Did you say?

Okay I'm sure your thinking what the hell kind of blog is this... and why would you call it that... well I got to thinking... I am a 30 something living in LA and struggling to find Love, Romance, and Passion (is that even possible)!  Not from friends and family of course but a good... decent ...loving... not drama...not crazy... and God fearing man... who can handle all that is me... so I thought why not write about my capades... be it datecapades...sexcapades... or what ever capade I like.

Or talk about how I'm not dating... and how much fun I'm having being me and loving life!

We also know that I am a breast cancer survivor and have had a double mastectomy... so not only does a man have to love my fab personality but he has to be okay with the fact that I am scarred but no worse for ware... I also have things he can hold.  He may not be able to suck... I mean we can do the lick the part ( like Tisha Cambell in School days) well you get my drift...So here it is...! 

I hope you enjoy it... I will try and keep this as up to date as possible... Pleas feel free to comment... and tell me if you love it or hate it... hey it's all relative!