The Glass is Half Full!

I have been kicked, punched, put down... turned around and them some... but through it all I have come out on top.

I have been talked about...lied on...battled disease... and have still come out a winner...!  How you ask?  Well even through all God has held me... picked me up...closed my ears... dusted me off... and has blessed me leaps and bounds...!

Although things seem rough sometimes I try to maintain the attitude of this is only temporary... these things that happen are only things that will drive you... and draw you nearer to God..!

When cancer got me... I was angry with God... but just as a parent he understands... just as much as you love your mother and your father...some times your just not speaking to them... I came to understand more and more that if I just put my trust and faith in him... I will always be alright.

No matter your spiritual belief a positive outlook is always the best thought process...there is always something to be thankful for, grateful for! 

I am surely learning that the glass is half full and trying to live my life as such... So if you need some positivity... Stop on by... the posterchild is here. :)

I Am Not Obsessed!

Is it just me or now a days single women are obsessed with being in relationships...so much so...they settle for anything...I understand that you feel like your clock is ticking but have you even taken stock in what you want.

Are you even prepared for it when it comes...we sit around saying I want a man I want a man...but what kind...and who is our ideal...we make list...long first then they get shorter as we get older...maybe if we just took a second and said...okay I'm gonna do me until you prepare me for the good good.

Sometimes it seems,  that because my every waking moment is not chasing some guy around or constantly talking about it or where he is...or out searching for him that something is wrong with me.  Years ago friends tried to make me believe that I was less than cause I didn't have a boyfriend.  Like I didn't know how to handle a relationship cause I didn't put the boyfriend label on it!

I'm sorry but I'm not Obsessed I have never been a my clock is ticking...here's what I would love my wedding dress to look like...I will take what I can get type of person...I have also dealt with the fact that in this life I may not meet the man of my dreams or my soul mate or what ever you wanna call it.

I also think we fall victim to societies standards of these are the things you need to be a complete person...but we all know society has changed sooo much and nothing is ever as black and white as it used to be...I mean people are having babies more and more out of wedlock and then maybe consider getting married later!

Sometimes God's plans are not your plans, do I want companionship absolutely...do I want to be married...sure if the guy has the same beliefs in marriage that I do...do I want children?  I can take it or leave it...see there is a clear indication of what I want and need.

If he's out there he's out there if he isn't trust life will proceed to go on!  If you stop worrying about what it looks like you might find the right guy will find you!

In With The Old, Out With The New!

This is the old me... the photo your looking at... but I realized something... there are aspects of me that are still her...!

I guess I should explain... right before I got cancer I was this size, I worked out hard... I ate right.. didn't really drink...but still I got cancer...!  Then 3 years and 5 surgeries later I ballooned to a size that I had no idea I could get to, my body changed drastically... I was devastated, depressed, and then I said Fuck it... if doing all the right things got me cancer then I'm gonna do all the bad things.

I have to say I have let my weight be a safety blanket...the thing that I once despised I allowed to be my shield from the world...I became too comfortable... its one thing to accept where you are at the moment (WHICH I TOTALLY HAVE)... but it is a far more important to accept and then continue to move on... I have to say I miss this... I miss this body, I miss the energy I had the way I felt...!  I want this back... so it is my intent to get it.

I am going to mix a little bit of the old with the new... I must say... I am forever changed by what happened to me... so the mentality of the girl you see in this photo is totally different than who I am today... but there are aspects of her that I want to remember, and re-capture!

Long enough have I sat in this place...I even went as far to say that I booked more things this size then I ever had....that may be true...but it doesn't have to do with size...it's my mentality... I am a changed person... I walk proudly into my destiny with no fear... I have survived cancer...If I can do this I can do anything.!  So here I go on a new journey of health and wealth...!

One way to inspire is not by talking, but walking so enough with the words! She and I have some stuff to do!  Oh and if your so inclined...you can find me @ La Fitness Hollywood mostly...come join me for a great work out!  Before and after pictures to come later ;)

If I'm Being Completely Honest

This weekend a dear friend asked me a very important question...and as I answered I thought here is a truthful answer...as she listened and then commented...she said I am going to be extremely honest with you...I think you are making excuses!  As I thought about what she said...I didn't have hurt feelings or jump to a defense...I just paused for a second and said...to be completely honest I'm scared to death.

Listen, I had cancer...I had both breast removed...and it's not an easy thing to get over...the question was...do I want a boo basically...and I came up with ...well I'm soo laser focused on my career and blah blah blah...but the truth... I do want all those things but I am afraid I can't have them...no one told me I couldn't I just am scared to see if it could...now the reason I am scared is because I am scarred...interesting how these two words look so much alike.

Seeing my scars is a hard thing for me to deal with...and I am gradually getting used to them...but to add someone else into the equation is a scary thought...I guess its the intimacy I am afraid of...showing that part of my self in which I have no control...allowing my self to be completely venerable and to TRULY believe that this person really loves me and everything about  me...or will he just see my scars...  I am trying to get to the point where I can just say okay...and go for it...and be vulnerable and allow someone completely in...but I guess as with all things it takes time. I just think I needed to admit it.

I hope this confession doesn't make me seem like a hypocrit due to the fact that my blog is called Sex in the City with No titties and my journey to find love...but it is true that you have to love yourself before you can love anyone else...and my love for self is growing leaps and bounds everyday...even with my scars and I am looking forward to the day where I can just say...screw it, it is what it is...and I do know, trust and believe that you are with me for me...and here is all of me and the scars will just fade into the background!

Can You Be My Super Man

Hey kids, a lil something different today...this song...has been with me...talking to me...basically speaks my feelings on what kind of guy I want...the lyrics are simple and yet...so here is me...speaking through someone else LOL!

Hello
I’ve been hurt so many times
It got to a point
When I decided
I can’t do this any more
I need someone to hold me
I need someone that needs me
I need someone that loves me

Chorus
Can you be my superman?
Can you be my superman?
Will you be my superman?
Will you be my superman?

Superman (4x)

You know, we don’t have to be dramatic
Just romantic
Do all the little things
That excites me
As your woman
Give me a kiss goodnight
Over the phone
When you working late
When you’re out of town
Tell me how much you need it
Cos we deserve it
We can be together

And just for a lil extra entertainment check the video!

Crushing the Crush!

Is it silly to say you have a crush on someone?  Especially someone famous?  I don't know.  I thought maybe it would be a good idea being that I am in the same business, but pish posh I guess I was wrong. 

There is a certain someone who shall remain nameless, ok let's be real there are certain someones that shall remain nameless that I have had a huge crush on.  I have also had the opportunity to meet and once in a while make out with said crush.  However, what do I have left.  Once the crush is revealed what's left.

Man woman crush:  Men seem to think that when you tell them your feeling them you want to sleep with them.  Some would say the challenge has been taken away.  How do you tell someone who gets ass thrown at them on a daily basis that well... you just want to get to know them.  Could it be crusher is only blinded by the limelight of the crushee and the crushee can't trust the crusher as far as they can be thrown?

What's worse is when you tell the guy and he's like "Thanks" ugghhhhh..... that's almost as bad as I'm flattered, hell I think it's worse... just take my heart and eat it right in front of me would you.  

Although a drunken mess when I said it, my heart still hurt and that was a wound that lasted well into sobriety.  I even had one crush tell me, "wow that's kind of grade school isn't it"?  Ouch, hurt my feelings much.

You know what, maybe the problem is me.  Maybe I have too many crushes, but what good is a girl with out a crush.  Not much I think but that's just me.

What to do? What to do?

 Has anyone ever "won" their crush?  Are they still with them now?  Are crushes just for school girls?  Maybe so, but my heart doesn't agree.

You Know What Gets Me!

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with.  She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again.  Listen it's not my fault, that this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

 

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you.  You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him.  Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told you he was a snake in the first place. 

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us.  We can make up some shit!  He said I'd make a great mother.  He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids.  He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing.  If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word.  What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up.  Then you know something is wrong.  Other than that.  I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note.  At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him.  If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers.  Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him.  Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good.  Does the sun rise and set in it.  Come on ladies we can do better than that.  Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well, all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing. I am done, finished, finito,.  And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend....  I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is.