Where Has Your Self Worth Gone

I had to take a deep breath when writing this one, cause what the hell are we doing out here.  My goodness. I know I have been off the dating scene for some time.  Dealing with life, working on self, and what not. However, I didn't know that the state of humanity in dating was going straight to hell in a hand basket.

Women are so confused about themselves and men have just become lazy,  everyone has advice, on the do's and don't but, do you even listen to yourself.  Everyday I see post of Why this and Why that, do this and do that, and if you want something different do something different.  Coming from people who honestly need to shut the hell up.  When did you become the dating guru, when everyone reading knows yo shit stinks worse than anyone's.  What work did you do to move past your issues of the past, are you in a viable relationship where you can give the best and most unbiased advice.

One thing I don't do is give advice to married people, I'm not married, and wouldn't even dream of it.  I'm still looking for my match, and you can say, aren't I doing the same thing giving advice.  No I'm just saying STOP IT.  I see what your doing to your self, but I or no one else can want better for you than you want for yourself.

When did we become so complacent and lazy about love,  when did we start settling for just okay, and not what we truly deserve.  When did we start playing wife instead of waiting for what we really want,  That clock is ticking crap come on.  Most of these women settling are the one's who are in church praying for a good man, but can't seem to leave the horrible one they have so they can't get that blessing.   Oh I know, cause we have given up.  On ourselves, on our journey's on our self worth.  You are with that man cause you chose to be, you can leave, he ain't even doing anything for you, but you rather stay cause you don't want to be alone.  Um and men don't even get me started on that.

Women will listen and believe anything and everything just to say they have a man.  When he cheats and whatever else you complain about what do you do.  You stay and continue to complain.  Gone are your friends gone is your self respect, you got a couple of kids and your a single parent.  Yet homeboy can come and lay up and play daddy when ever he wants and your fine with that. The point is your fine with that.  So who is to blame.  YOU, at the end of the day it's YOU, is now and forever will be.

You make choices everyday which way you wanna go.  You constantly blame the other girl or him but at the end of the day what is the common denominator.  YOU.  Men will tell you anything you need to hear and you want to hear it,  without stopping to think is this sincere, or wait how can that be when your already married or you live with someone else.  This topic is exhausting.  I feel like Spike Lee at the end of School Daze WAKE UP!  PLEASE WAKE UP!

Surrender

Happy New year everyone, I know it's been a while since you've heard from me, but I feel like it's important to have something important to say.  Then waste your valuable reading time on nonsense.  With that being said.  2014 has already been extremely gratifying in ways I have never imagined.  

After my experience with my own cancer, then my mother's cancer, and then my mom being hit by a car.  Yes, it's been interesting to say the least, but in the words of Ceily in The Color Purple,  "but I'm here, I'm here".  I am a living testimony of the matchless grace of God.  I have seen his miracles honey and they are something.  He continues to do miracles in me, and my mom.

The past 9 years have been some of my best and my worse.  However, one thing I know for sure, my life is not my own.  I chose a bit a go to do what we are all supposed to do as children of God and that is surrender.  I surrendered it all!  Myself, my thoughts, my desires, my fears.  All of it.  I am sharing this now, because I need to see, and I needed witnesses to the fact that this is true.  Anyone, who know's me knows.  I don't run around preaching or telling folks the way to the Lord is Christ.  That is your own spiritual journey, and I do not negate that.  All I can say is what I know.  Since I have done it my life has been full.

Okay let's be clear, I'm human, and not perfect, and some times I look around that imaginary corner to see if there is something I should look out for.  I don't just always walk right out LOL, but I know if I am tenative all I have to do is call on him and he helps me out.  There are some things that I will share in time, about what other things he has blessed me with, in regard to my surrender.  But, if me being alive and my mom being alive and walking after surviving cancer and then her and her friend being hitting by a car while crossing the street.  Flying 100 feet being in the hospital system for 2 years and still around to talk about it.  Is not enough for you to at least think about it, well I don't know what to tell ya!

There are things you struggle with often, and there is no need.  You can only control the way you react, and that's pretty much it.  Your journey is yours, you will most definately have trials, believer or not.  Things will not always work out the first time, sometimes not even the second.  It's all a way to see what you are made of.  Trust me I know first hand.

Okay...okay...enough of this stuff, but if you could just try to throw your hands up and shout out loud you handle it.  Cross bridges when you get to them, don't fret or worry, cause when I tell ya it's always on time it is.  

I hope this year brings you all the desires of your heart, but mostly I hope, that you can get out of your own way.

Warmly,

Nikea

A Progress That's Working

Here is how I know, I am finally no longer a work in progress but a progress that's working.  I did work on myself.  Way before Iyanla came around and started fixing people's lives, but I knew I needed to fix mine. Something was definitely  a miss.  Not to beat a dead horse, but my 30's have been rocky at best, and how I got through is truly a victory through the grace of God.  

However, that kind of stuff changes you, inside and out.  The point is I wanted help and I got it.  I worked on being whole, opening up from past hurts, loving myself despite all that has happened.  Not punishing my self thinking how could God do this to me, and what did I do to deserve this.  What I learned is I am beautifully and wondrously made, and all things happen for a reason.

I asked for answer and I got them.  Not right away, and the SHIT and MUCK, and dirty low down stuff I had to go through to get through, was real in these streets, but I sit here with a smile on my face as I type this.  Because, I asked and HE answered and continues to answer.  With the help of a therapist, and THE WORD I was able to find myself again.  The new me, the me that I have always wanted to be.  The adult me, the I have put away childish things to live the life I am supposed to live me.  No more running from what I know I am capable of, but running toward my goals.  With a fresh new perspective  that no one can steal from me.  One of my favorite sayings is, "you can't steal my joy, cause you didn't give it to me."

Not only that, I met someone, and I met someone I really like.  I'm not jumping the gun, but this has been a long time coming, for the first time, in a while. I am not afraid of being hurt, I am totally 100 percent myself, and equally vulnerable, and I love it.  I'm open, I'm full.  This is awesome!  

So right now I wanna take this moment so send a little prayer up for each of you reading this blog, and a continued prayer for those who are close to me.  That you know that there is a purpose for your life, and that God will never leave you or forsake you.  You only have this life, so live it like it's your last.  Don't put off until tomorrow, what you could do today, because tomorrow is not promised.  I ask for a covering over each of you, that you can see clearly as to what it is your supposed to do in this life.  I pray for Wholeness, oneness, and team work, with what ever person you are dealing with, and knowing your OWN self worth.

A smile goes a long way! Remember it could always be worse :)!

GRATEFUL/FRIENDSHIPS

There are several reasons why I should be grateful.

I woke up this morning to see another day.

I have a job

I have food to eat

Clothes on my back

A God who love me regardless of the things I do or don't do.

A close loving family

But mostly I am grateful for having some of the best friends a person could imagine.  I always hear how good friends are hard to find, and how I can only be friends with men, and women are so messy.  It sometimes makes me wonder, well what kind of friend are you.  Good people love good people. 

I liken friendships to dating relationships, however, friendships can be way more intimate, because you generally confide all with that person.  Your friend is the one that knows the inner most, outer most of who you truly are.  A good friend is a safe place to be vulnerable.   In any relationship it's hard to let your guard down, and with any relationship, you have to blindly trust that you made the right decision, but if your intentions are pure, it's not hard to tell if someone else's are or not.

Granted there is a bit of trial and error.  There is a such thing as season, reason, lifetime. But, once you find your core group hang on to it.  Any and all relationships are work, and you have to fight to keep the good ones.

I just wanted to take this moment to thank them, for just knowing me, accepting me and loving me unconditionally.  As we continue to grow and mature, I pray that we continue to up lift, push, encourage, call each other on our BS. Laugh, create, cry and what ever else God has planned for us together.  

I also wanted to express my continual admiration, love and respect for the woman I have been blessed to know in this life.  For that I am truly grateful!

Love you guys!

It's The Little Things

It's the little things in life that should make us happy right?  When did we become so grand gesture hungry.

How come we have to win the 120 million in the lottery why can't we just be satisfied with the 7 mill.
Why do we need a 9 bedroom house why can't we just be satisfied with a 2 bedroom fixer upper.
Why do we need the hottest guy (bad boy) on the block, why can't we just be content with the man who loves us unconditionally.

We need to start appreciating the little things again.  Like the fact that we woke up this morning.  Your car started.  it could always be worse.  How many times you have made it through what ever storm there was.

I am reminded that life is too short to be angry and tense about the things that I can't control, the saying is true when life gives you lemons you make lemonade.  I realized, that there have been times I didn't know how I was going to pay my rent, or how I was going to get this and do that.  But it worked out, and I was lax in my great fullness.

I  understand that all GOD wants from us is to be grateful. Live decent lives and look to him alone for our peace.

So thank you, for the little things, the small gestures, the safe passage, the breath of life, the healing, the friends, the family, the love unconditional, the non judgement, the making a way out of no way, the understanding, for what you are about to do, and what you have already done.

Guess the little things are GRAND after all!

I Almost Wish I Was Flat Chested!

Again, I ask my self the question why would anyone opt to have surgery, cosmetic anyway.  Okay some surgeries can't be passed by, and some are life saving. But you are never 100% your self again...

Tiny aches and pains... things not fully functioning correctly.  People take a chance every time they go under the knife.. especially for cosmetic stuff in the hopes that it will turn out right and they will look flawless,  if it doesn't well forget trying to correct it... because there is no chance of that!  

Just like a car after it's new. Once maintenance is done,  there always seems to be some other problem...or it could just be human error who knows. Just because you have something done... doesn't mean you will come out good as new...in fact hardly ever... my Doctor said and I quote " After surgery things are not quite they same are they"...

Ha I guess not...and yet people still take chances anyway, on a gamble for perfection... I guess what I am trying to say is... unless you absolutely need it... and or it's a life saving surgery... don't take the risk... cause you are never 100% and you are never, ever as good as new!

Just asked my fused muscle that's attached to my (fake) boobie that when ever I touch it, my muscle contracts in to a ball and squeezes the shit out of it. The doctors also can't tell me why it's happening.  Damn implant!

Hind site is 20/20 and if I knew then what I know now, I would have made some vastly different decisions.  I haven't had a F this ish moment in a while, I guess today is just one of those days.  

Thanks for listening.

BITING THE BULLET (ONLINE DATING)

Okay so I'm doing it, a while ago I wrote a blog about online dating and how I didn't think it wasn't necessary and blah blah blah.  However, I see the light.  Not about the online dating but trusting God will bring you who your supposed to be with ,but you have to do the work.  Those are seeds I haven't really sewn, I haven't actively or non actively looked for a companion, but I do think its necessary to stir up the pot.  You know have some man scent on you as it were.  I joined a free site, that someone recommended and I have to say, it's working, I mean there are people messaging me and wanting to meet for coffee, mostly conversations, but it's working, I can not deny that.  

I have yet to meet with someone or go on a date, I mean I am still pretty new to the site, but it is the place to meet men my age or older, it's true, I'm not gonna meet my guy in a club. I  don't go and neither do they, most are family men, divorced or babies daddies and yes they would look crazy as hell in the club.  You know those guys, that you immediately judge cause they in the club trying to hang with the youngins.  I am starting to feel that way myself (the old lady in the club).  Not that I club like that anymore, but it's definitely  for the kids these days LOL. 

It's hard to meet people in your friend circle, because most of your friends have been your friends for years, and there really is no new people, or they are all married or you know waaaay to much of their business already.

So here I am giving it a shot, if I go on any dates I will keep you posted,  I'm curious to see what will happen next.  How fun for me ;)