Crushing the Crush!

Is it silly to say you have a crush on someone?  Especially someone famous?  I don't know.  I thought maybe it would be a good idea being that I am in the same business, but pish posh I guess I was wrong. 

There is a certain someone who shall remain nameless, ok let's be real there are certain someones that shall remain nameless that I have had a huge crush on.  I have also had the opportunity to meet and once in a while make out with said crush.  However, what do I have left.  Once the crush is revealed what's left.

Man woman crush:  Men seem to think that when you tell them your feeling them you want to sleep with them.  Some would say the challenge has been taken away.  How do you tell someone who gets ass thrown at them on a daily basis that well... you just want to get to know them.  Could it be crusher is only blinded by the limelight of the crushee and the crushee can't trust the crusher as far as they can be thrown?

What's worse is when you tell the guy and he's like "Thanks" ugghhhhh..... that's almost as bad as I'm flattered, hell I think it's worse... just take my heart and eat it right in front of me would you.  

Although a drunken mess when I said it, my heart still hurt and that was a wound that lasted well into sobriety.  I even had one crush tell me, "wow that's kind of grade school isn't it"?  Ouch, hurt my feelings much.

You know what, maybe the problem is me.  Maybe I have too many crushes, but what good is a girl with out a crush.  Not much I think but that's just me.

What to do? What to do?

 Has anyone ever "won" their crush?  Are they still with them now?  Are crushes just for school girls?  Maybe so, but my heart doesn't agree.

You Know What Gets Me!

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with.  She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again.  Listen it's not my fault, that this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

 

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you.  You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him.  Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told you he was a snake in the first place. 

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us.  We can make up some shit!  He said I'd make a great mother.  He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids.  He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing.  If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word.  What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up.  Then you know something is wrong.  Other than that.  I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note.  At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him.  If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers.  Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him.  Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good.  Does the sun rise and set in it.  Come on ladies we can do better than that.  Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well, all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing. I am done, finished, finito,.  And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend....  I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is. 

Stagnation

The feeling of being stagnant is interesting.  The websters dictionary defines stagnant as: adj Not moving or flowing : Motionless 2. Foul from standing still:stale 3. Sulggish!

My life feels a lil like all of those things right now.  But how can I help it.  What can I do?  What can I change?  Anything?  How did i get like this in the first place?

Some could say it's the economy, others could say well maybe your not trying hard enough.  How do you know you are trying everything you possibly can.  Is it measured by exhaustion at the end of the day?  Do you feel some type of full fillment?  How else do you shake things up a bit?

I, who am never at a loss, has found my self in an interesting position. Normally to feel a bit different I'd give my self a makeover or do something I've never done before, but I am almost out of those(doing something I've never done). 

Besides it's not really about getting a new job I've done that, and it's not about not feeling fulfilled as a person.  Mostly it's just about feeling like I have lived my best life!!

I think at some point we all feel this way, when things are not going exactly how we hope but...

Does anyone have any suggestions?  How do you make yourself feel like your life is actually worth while!

Any one Bueller!

I Just Remembered

Hey there, I know I have been missing for a while...but I'm back...life has been life right...now...trying to be a good friend resting and working...but now it's time to get back to the nitty gritty...of this blog, which may need to be re-thought.

The name of the blog is Sex in the City With No Titties, but is that all it should focus on...sometimes we loose sight of other things and because of that...the things we would like fall to the way side... I can't say that I am obsessed with finding love...but it was starting to take over.

Until I actually thought about it...what is it that I crave at this moment...what do I need to make me incredibly happy and is it possible to have it all and the answer is yes.  See God always keeps his promises and it's important to trust him in all we do...see there is two sides of me... the lover and the actress and right now I believe my focus should be on the later...God knows the desires of my heart because he gave them to me...he also has a way of taking from you what you don't need for your own good.

So I am re-committed to me...focused, recharged as it were...look I know love is possible...but and I know that when I am ready it will find me...and I will choose wisely... I have made some pretty good decisions...regarding that... and there will be a place for it...but right now...I am  Nikea the actress...so this blog is not only going to be about love, but love of life, liberty and the pursuit of true happiness... But we'll keep the title cause one It's catchy and two...well I may not be having much sex but I still have no Titties ;) have a good one kiddies we'll talk soon!

So What Do You Really Think Of Me?

Okay...I'm seriously trying to not have my feelings hurt...but I can't seem to get this off my mind.

What does it say about you (me) when your friends don't see enough in you to hook you up with and eligible guy... especially when the person they were gonna hook someone up with doesn't date outside their race...but you know for sure that I do.

How am I supposed to take that... and when I ask...all you can say is oh... um you know I'm looking...what is it...  do you think I'm too much?... I mean what is i?... are you trying to protect me from something...are you trying to protect him from something... I mean what is it?  She's good enough but not me... and she is for sure gonna turn him down cause that is not her preference!

Friends have an interesting way of making you feel some sort of way... and to say I don't care... well that would be a lie cause I'm blogging about it right... so my feelings are a lil hurt...clearly...hurt.

So the question is... is there a lesson to be learned from this... or do I just shrug it off... is it enough to to say hmmm this person...who I thought was a friend...has some sort of feelings about me that I had no idea about...or maybe I am taking it way to personal... either way... there is something that kept you from thinking of me...when you thought someone would be good for your guy friend.

What I do know is that what is meant for you is meant for you... and nothing can change that... so maybe she actually is doing me a favor...protecting me from something that eventually will end badly... I don't know... but it makes me think...There is something you feel is missing from me...or you just don't think that much of me to hook me up!  I could be being very dramatic right now... but at this moment... that's how I'm feeling.

I'll be okay...it will be fine and I will get over it...but it definitely makes one think!

Maybe it's you!

Ok, have you ever heard someone complain sooo much about everything, that you start to wonder, what in their life has gone right.?

I mean dang do you just have the worst timing, the worst luck, or is it you?

Have you ever heard somone say, god I can't keep a man/woman, or their relationships/friendships always seem to bite them in the ass later on.

At what point do you ask the question, maybe it's me!

One of the tuffest things to do is look inside and see your flaws.  It's easier to blame everyone else because it lets you off the hook.  However your luck is the same, and will continue to be until you exam YOUR SELF!

Your problems stem from past problems, which begets new problems, which in turn manifest themselves in your relationships, and if you haven't taken stock and said hmmm what the hell is going on with me.  What ever you try and do will never work out.

How can you be good to anyone else, when you are no good to YOUR SELF.

Come on people stop playing the blame game, and look inside, God knows you  need to get your shit together, but most importantly So Do You!

Doin Me!

People always say love will come when you least expect it... and others say you have to put it out there that you are looking...well I am about to do both.

Here I am saying...putting it into the world...letting you and God know...that I am looking for love.. a mate... a companion... a best friend... some one to love unconditionally and whole heartedlly.  There... that's done!

Now I am going to focus on me... doin me... being the best me I can be...loving my self... and taking care of myself... so that way when love comes I will be ready...for the man I just asked for above... see I think both theories are right... you have to be open to the fact that love is needed... but to harp and focus is futile and sometimes you are so anxious for someone that you will settle for anything.

However, when you do you... and focus on living a great life and being in love with self...well you don't have time to harp so the time that passes doesn't seem like much time and when you look up there he is...holding out his hand saying... I'm ready for you to love me and ready to love you too.

So right about now I'm a just do me!