The Fact is I Need you!

I don't think I have ever heard this song until now, okay I have heard it a million times, but I have never heard it.  As I listened to it...it was me...all of me...all of me and who and where I am right now.  I am not gonna say much more, cause the words speak for me,  I don't have a son, but if I did this would still ring sooo true!  Also, I added a video so you could truly understand.

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you

I can pay my own light bill baby
Pump my own gas in my own car
I can buy my own shoe collection
I've been blessed thus far
I can kill the spider above my bed
Although it's hard because I'm scared
I can even stain and polyurethane
But some things just don't change
I need you yeah
Sometimes so hard to say oh
I need you
Some things remain
I could buy my own groceries baby
Get my hair tight, my nails right
I can floss my own bling bling
Write the words to the songs I sing
I can even raise the child we'll make
Make sure he's loved and knows what God gave us
I can teach him how to walk and stand
But he needs you to help him be a man
We need you
So hard to say
We need you
Some things don't change
I could be congresswoman
Or a garbage woman or
Police officer, or a carpenter
I could be a doctor and a lawyer and a mother and a good girl
God what you've done to me
Kind of lover I could be
I could be a computer analyst, the Queen with the nappy hair raising her fist
Or I could be much more and a myriad of this
Hot as the summer, sweet as the first kiss
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
And even though I can do all these things
We need you
We need you
We need you
And even though I can do all these things by my damn self
I need you
I do, I do, I do, I do
And even though I can do all these things
I need you
We need you
We do
We need you yeah
We need you

Embrace Your Hoeness!

Let me explain, in this day and age where anything goes...it's time to stop being so offended by what people say and call a spade a spade...in this life there is always going to be a double standard if we like it or not.  And unfortunately for us, it is always the women who get the short of that stick...so I say why not embrace it.

The reason we watched so much Sex in the City, is because we saw a lil bit of ourselves in each woman and well my favorite I have to say was Samantha... and here's why..she didn't apologize about who she was, and sex was her main goal in life...sure she was an alpha female, and dedicated herself to getting exactly what she wanted, when she wanted and how she wanted... and some of you/us probably judged her for that.  Just because she didn't fall into the social archetype of needing to be in a relationship to be full filled in some way...there was no horrific back story as to why she is the way that she is...she wasn't molested, or seeking the love of  a father...no she was plain and simple a Hoe!  And the reason I say that is because when ever a women sleeps around she is branded as such and well we all know if a man did it he's just Da Man!

So I say embrace it...kind of like the blacks (LOL) did with the N word, or women did with the word Bitch (I would never address my friends as such but to each his own.)  I mean sistah's have to have something for themselves...so I will be the first, my name is Nikea and I am a hore...I, am not a feminist, I am a realist. I do what I want and I am proud of it...If I wanna have sex I do, if I want to be in a relationship I will...am I my own person? Absolutely, so if your passing judgement right now on this passage in this blog called sex in the city with no titties...well we can just assume you haven't evolved enough to embrace your Hoe yet...but let me say this... why live in shame, and doubt and fear about what you like and who you are...don't live in the Hoe, closet...come out and let your freak flag wave.

Now let's be clear, you can still be a lady and a hoe...sh*t there are plenty of classy hoe's,  I am not a slut or a tramp...I am merely embracing that in which has been so looked down upon, and in that I take refuge and power because nothing bad happened to me, I have no miserable back story that makes me act some sort of way...it just is, and you know what I am totally fine with that.

So a toast to the Hoes.....Cheers!

Feeling Like My Old Self Again!

Whooo, this has been an interesting few months...well i will say the past 8 months have been crazy.  My mother was hit by a car and I have become her care giver it has been a slow recovery process for her but, now that she is getting better and about ready to come home.  I have had the chance to re-focus on my needs as well.

I think sometimes we get so caught up in what's happening around us, that we just loose sight, and forget to check in on our selves.  Honestly since this incident there hasn't been a ton of sexin in my city...nor has there been any male connection in a while.

I have realized one thing through this whole thing, and that is,  always Do You, Take Care of You, and make sure you are okay.  Yes you have people who will check on you...who will come and help you, but no one can really help you make sense of things but you.  After stepping back and letting the smoke clear...you sometimes look around and think gosh now I am just left with me.  My needs, my want's, my desires...I have crossed hurdle after hurdle...and yet again it's just me.

In times of tragedy, it is easy to shut down, to just kind of let it pass and pray you get through it and honestly after all I and my mom have been through it is a blessing that we are even still standing (if you read this blog fully you will get the picture!).

It has not been easy by any means, but with a ton of faith, some therapy, and wonderful friends I was able to stay pretty present...and in this realize that the one thing I need is me!  So, I have been doing that, taking care of me...what ever I need I do, it's important...it's really not about a mate, that will come...it's not even about dating someone...it's about connection...the only way to connect with someone truly is if neither party is trying to find completion in the other.  I am not trying to have someone help me forget where I have been...that would just be pushing those feelings a side.

I guess i'm saying all this to say,  it's not the end of the world, I have been drug through the mud and I am still standing...standing tall and taking care...and if I may add looking damn good doing it...I feel better than I have felt in a really long time because well...I choose to...I chose me, and from now on that is non-negotiable.