Keepin It 100!

Why is it, that when you tell, a girl about her man, or the man she likes, or the man she really wants to be with.  She gets mad at you.

But the kicker is, when they are not in the situation, they stomp up and down the street how they want you to tell them, and how you wouldn't be a friend if you didn't and Blah Blah Blah.

Truth is they don't wanna know, I have been burnt too many times to name, and it aint happnin again.  Listen it's not my fault, and this man is out here playin you like a violin, and when you ask if it's true, do you really think he's gonna tell you the truth.

That's like trying to get a man to admit he cheated on you.  You know in your heart its true but you just need to hear it from him.  Why, not like your gonna go anywhere, your gonna stay your ass right there lovin that man and ailienating your friend who told he was a snake in the first place. 

Now don't get me wrong not all men are snakes and maybe he's just not that into you, and maybe you thought something was there that wasn't, cause you know us.  We can make up some shit!  He said I'd make a great mother.  He didn't say you would be a great mother to his kids.  He just said you would be a good mom, one day to some body.

I know one thing.  If I know you, please don't take it personal, but I will never in my entire life, speak on your man, I don't care if I see him fucking in the streets I will not say a word.  What I will do is let him know I see him, and if he decides to bring me up.  Then you know something is wrong.  Other than that.  I will not throw my self under that bus any more.

On a side note.  At what point did we get so desperate to have a man that we fight each other for him.  If a man is cheating on you it's his fault not hers.  Why are you yelling at her and getting pissed, and the fact that you two are fighting each other over him.  Makes you both desperate, I mean is his dick that good.  Does the sun rise and set in it.  Come on ladies we can do better than that.  Maybe it's time you start thinking out side of the box, start thinking of other racial possiblities because this ish has been going on for too damn long.

Well all I know is no one has to worry about me so called ruining there good thing ever again.  I am done, finished, finito,.  And all too many times I have seen her choose him and leave the friend who told in the dust, for trying to be a good friend....  I am a firm believer that people have to learn lessons for themselves even if the lesson is tuff, and it usually is. 

Wow I have come so far/ A lil peek into my past!

Every now and again I like to read things I wrote... I'm not a big journal keeper and this blog I think is journal... but every now and then... i do take time to write my feelings down... I was going through some old files on my computer and ran across a letter I wrote myself a few years ago...I was really amazed to see how much had changed... and how much writing had helped me leave it all behind...!  I wanted to share the letter!

A Open Letter 

Dear Nikea,

Sometimes, you let things get in the way of your happiness.  How do you keep that happiness constant!  Is there something physical that can make you happy, or should you just be happy in general.  Everyone has bad days, but there are people who's days are worse than yours.  Should you forget about your day and think about how bad their day is?  Or mourn your day, so you can move past it?I am a liar, and have been lying to everyone for a while, things are not great, I am not happy and I am hurting, hurting bad, and there seems to be nothing I can do about it right now.  This is the first time I have felt like a human since finding out I had cancer.  I watched Richard Pryor say, after a burn victim is burned, they have no feelings and then one day.  

All the feelings come out in the wash.  Literally, he was sitting in a tub being washed and he said it was the most indescribable pain he had ever felt.  However, that was the first time he had felt anything since being burned.That's how I feel now.  It has almost been 3 years and I have not felt anything, until I was put in the proverbial tub, now the pain is unbearable, but I guess I have to have it to get out on the other end, and it takes time for wounds to heal, but eventually my scars will fade and I will look like a person again!  One thing I know for certain, is that I am forever changed.The guts it is taking right now to admit to being a liar is hard, and even harder to feel weak in front of people who think you have been so strong.  As I know none of you have asked for it.  I feel it my duty in some weird way to make you feel better about it.  The fact is I am still alive and kicking, I fought a dastardly disease, that could have taken my life.

However, I personally have not Dealt with it.  Now it's taking over the laughter and smiles and saying deal with me!  So I must.  Well here I am, revealing the most intimate parts of me to friends and strangers.  If you see me next time and my smile is not so bright don't fret, my burns are healing, and my muscles will get stronger, so I can smile again!As I know this is not your fight,or your problem to deal with.  I just thought it would help you better understand where I was coming from and what I am going through.

I love you!

 Nikea

Feast or Famine

I think we have all heard the old saying feast or famine... when it comes to men...either you have too much or not at all...but geez I'm like a starving child in Uganda over here...I 'm serious...this is the time for summer lovin and where's my lovin?  Huh in my Jhudd/Effie voice...what about what I need...what about meeee!

I guess it is what it is...maybe I am not putting out the summer lovin vibe...or maybe my vibe is too desperate...I mean any way you look at it...it aint happnin and it aint been happnin for a minute...I know I know...I am the only one that was invited to my pitty party, but I am sure some of you feel the same way.  There are certain things that come with being young and sprite...frolic's at the beach, kissing under the stars...blah blah blah...I can't remember the last time I did that...well I guess it is meant for memories for now.

I'm not sure what I can do to change my odds but I guess I will just have to see how it goes...Summer has just started and I got a bit to go...so maybe I am speaking to soon...but I'm putting it out there...summer fling thing to thee I sing...I'd like a boo...for now ooooo oooo oooo!  Hey it works when I sing to the parking angels...LOL!

I wish the same for you if that's what you would like as well.  Summer flings are what summer is about...so I hope we all feast on the fun, sun, love, hugs, kisses, and disses...cause when summer's over who know's what could happen.!